By Erin K. Robison, M.Ed., LPC
Last week I had dinner with a new friend. At one point, I noticed an attractive couple enter the restaurant and then disappear from view. As my friend, Reagan, and I were standing up to leave an hour later, the same couple walked up and said hello. It turns out they are Reagan’s in-laws. In a busy restaurant it’s not uncommon to miss seeing what’s going on. However, what astounded the couple was that they were seated at a table directly behind me and completely in Reagan’s line of sight. And she never once saw them. The couple laughed, giggled, took pictures and texted Reagan throughout their dinner – nothing. No response; no awareness of their shenanigans. She was so focused on me and our conversation, nothing else really mattered.
This is the kind of friend I want to be. The one who is completely present in the moment, engaged in the conversation and focused on the people I’m with.
However, I, like most people, find it difficult to not be distracted by all that glitters. Although I don’t have ADD/ADHD, I am a C personality type, detail oriented and curious. I love to people-watch. I have excellent hearing and am overstimulated by noise and bright lights. So… what that means is, much to my chagrin, I am easily distracted.
Even when it’s not a person to whom I’m trying to attend, I often find myself all over the map. Sometimes that looks like walking from one room to another and never quite finishing the first task because I’ve gotten distracted by something new in each room. Ever read the book, When You Give a Mouse a Cookie? You should – it’s a great book! Oops – yes, distracted.
Or maybe it’s not being able to enjoy a moment because there’s too much going on upstairs. I find myself wondering what others are thinking, or planning the menu for the week, or worrying about any number of upcoming or imagined situations. And so fun is being had all around me, but not within me.
The reality is that my 9-5 is being present with others. That can mean being tapped out when it comes to my personal life. One way I can prepare myself to be engaged in those important times, is to protect my down time, so I can recover and refill my tank. This is a must do for anyone who is a caregiver, in the helping field, an introvert or already very good at engaging on a daily basis. Sound familiar?
As I look back on my life, I find many opportunities to regret not being content or experiencing the joy of the season – always waiting for the proverbial next train station. BUT I’m grateful that in my aging and supposed maturity, I notice more often those times when I’m not noticing enough. In those moments, or in preparation for those moments, I find ways to keep myself in the present.
Going back to the Mouse and a Cookie dilemma – if I just can’t get the to-do list to-done before a night out, I mentally reconcile myself to the fact that it will be undone. I can finish it later – and I get to decide how much later that is. I have also learned to make more effort to prioritize the list so that whatever is most important to me gets done early. This makes being undone more palatable and allows me to focus on both the necessary and the life-giving moments.
When it comes to being present with people, I manage distractions as best as possible – I sit with my back to the door, ask to turn off or lower noisy music or televisions, put my phone away and turn the ringer down. Sometimes, I have to make frequent mental notes to focus on my friend – making eye contact, putting away those things I’d like to fiddle with, apologizing and asking them to repeat important information, repeating what they’ve said to make it sink into my own consciousness and even, asking a lot of questions.
Ultimately, in a world full of distractions and chaos, there is just One who allows us to experience the calm in the middle of the storm. Our ultimate joy is always being in His presence – looking into His face, finding His gentle loving eyes and letting all the other cares pass away. May you find time this week to focus on the here and now – with those you love, those you serve and the One who fulfills your heart’s desire.
Warmly,
Erin
Erin is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Life Coach and Speaker with a flourishing practice in Cypress, Texas. If you would like to connect with Erin, you can email her at Erin@erinkrobison.com or you can find more information at www.ErinKRobison.com.
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